the power of prayer

Each day here, God has been teaching me something new about himself. I wake up early each morning, sometimes 5:30am, and sometimes I get to sleep in until 6. My first night, I woke up several times and could not sleep, hearing voices in my head saying, "you can't do this--it's so hot you will not ever be able to sleep." "You'll never get used to the food, and your stomach will continue to hurt forever" "You are so thirsty, and you can't drink anything, because there is no water safe to drink." "They'll be fine without you, just go home" the voices told me that night.  I wanted so badly to cry. But then I remembered Jessica's sweet words from earlier that day. She told me, "Kelli, I want you to feel at peace here with us, and know that this is your home--feel comforable here as if this house was your own. Communicate with me if there is ever anything wrong, if you feel something is too much." In that moment I was reminded that I could simply go to the kitchen, grab a glass, fill it with filtered water, swallow a pill for my stomach, and return to my room and turn on the fan.

That morning, I still had a stomach ache. I had energy to get up, but I was still in pain and wondering if it would ever go away. That morning in the car, I told Jessica what had happened last night, and about the pain I was experiencing. She explained to me that here, the evil one does not like what God is doing in Mana de Vida--the way children and their families are being brought each day from death to life, are finding hope and joy in the Lord. So he will do what he can do destroy it. Just last month, she said, her husband's truck was stolen, and computers from his buisness were taken as well. 

But the evil one is not the only one who has power here. She pulled me aside when we got to the school to pray with her. She prayed that the Lord would give me strength to live this new life He has called me to, in the midst of this battle between good and evil. Supernatural strength she prayed over me to love children who desperately need it, to do difficult tasks, and to have wisdom in difficult situations. She also prayed that the Lord would calm my stomach and bring me peace. 

From that moment until now, I have not felt the slightest stomach pain. Also from that moment I have heard the most difficult and painful stories. This girl's mother used to be a strong figure in the church, but since has developed cancer, and has turned to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain, and many rumors are said about her. Another boy, only 5 years old witnessed his father stabbing his mother to death. Another sweet girl who had her pencils confiscated for behaving poorly in class cried in my arms, explaining to me her fear that the pencils belonged to her brother, and she was afraid he would hit her like he has in the past if she did not bring the pencils home. There has been much darkness in many of these children's lives. 

But there is hope. At MDV, even though the teachers are young, and often stretched thin between all the children, they show an incredible amount of Christ's love. It gave me chills as first and second graders sang to me, "Arriba, Abajo, al centro, afuera--siempre estoy feliz" "Up and down, inside and out, I always have joy. Ever since Jesus entered my life and cleaned my heart, I have joy." At the school, disobedience is treated with love, compassion, firmness and discipline--not with violence. God is doing an amazing work through the teachers here and through the church in Escuintla. He is doing an amazing work through Jessica as well. Rarely have I seen women like her--she does everything: coordinates the school, leads women's group at the church, hosts a christian radio program, and takes care of her children. When I asked her how she does it, she simply says--I don't. I can't; I have to ask the Lord daily to give me strength, and somehow, in Him, and with the help of others, everything gets done. She is a true example of what it means to live through His spirit and power. 

As I think about this next year, I am confident that alone, I'd be in way over my head--I don't have enough education experience, after 8 years of Spanish, I still lack ability to understand and communicate at times, I don't have enough patience, knowledge, or ability. But, as the words of my new favorite song go, "En Ti, nada es imposible." In you, nothing is impossible. In You, Lord, I can do anything. 

priorities

After graduation on May 11, I figured I'd have some time to slow down and relax. But with continued support raising, and emails and phone calls and planning, and traveling, I see that these 3 week between graduation and my departure to Guatemala will possibly have been my most busy yet. I realize now how important it is to make spending time in God's word a priority. It's so easy to get caught up in details, to be frustrated when things don't go as smoothly as I'd hoped, to snap at family members simply because I'm irritated, and to become overwhelmed with everything I have left to accomplish before I leave.

For the first time yesterday morning, I had the chance to sit down quietly and read from the book my aunt gave me for graduation, Dear Graduate by Charles Swindoll. Of course, the first chapter was on priorities, and the ones that followed were about ethics and integrity. My eyes were open to see that even as I seek to accomplish great things in the Lord's name, I have allowed other things, such as my desire for comfort and security and my need to have control take priority in my life.  While many of the actions I've been taking are good, and even necessary, I realize that "His kindom and His righteousness" come first in my daily life, and that I must trust God to take care of these other things in due time. 

As if this simple realization weren't enough for me, the Lord has once again been faithful to me despite my lack of faith and has exceeded my expectations for what I thought he meant by "seek first My kingdom and my righteousness and all these things will be added to you." He has taken the one thing that gave me the most anxiety--raising financial support, and shown me exactly what he meant by this verse.  I kept telling Him and others that I trusted Him in this area, knowing that if Escuintla is where He wants me to be, then he will provide for my needs there. But deep down, I've had lingering doubt and fear that I wasted too much time, that I wouldn't raise my support, that this whole journey might be a mistake.  Jesus continues to calm my fears, and even as I realize that I have failed to seek Him first in all things, I see that He went ahead and "added these things" anyway. Despite my failure to obey. This is grace.  Last night, I sat in tears as I opened and read the document that showed the cards people had sent in. I was overwhelmed by the people who committed to pray for me and who had the faith to invest their money in this ministry. In only two weeks time, over half of my support has been raised. This current amount is hardly a reflection of my own faithfulness to God's kingdom in Guatemala; it is rather a testament of His grace that covers my imperfections and His commitment to furthering His own glory through the church and ministry in Escuintla, Guatemala.

beginnings

The past four months have been so long. I've known since December that the Lord has been calling me to Guatemala, but so many times I felt like maybe I had heard wrong--wondering why God seemed to be taking so long. Trusting God when you feel the clock ticking away is so hard! But each day I'm learning that he really does know what he's doing. And his plan is turning out to be so much better than my own.

Today I talked for the first time to Jessica Sagastume, the wonderful woman who is opening her home to me for the next year. Jessica also runs the organization, Maná de Vida where I will be working teaching English. Getting to know her, little by little, through email, phone conversations, and video chat has made me even more excited for everything God has planned for my life in the next year. I'm so humbled by the work being done through Maná de Vida--children are being fed and educated, God is touching their lives and the lives of parents, strong community is being built by the power of the gospel, and I am so thankful to Jesus that I get to be a part of it.

Jessica explained to me today a little bit about what I will be doing in Escuintla, the city in which Maná de Vida is located. The school runs Monday-Saturday from 7 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon and includes breakfast and lunch for the kids, devotionals, classes, time for extra instruction and homework, and work on extracurricular activities. As of now, my main task will be to teach English in the school alongside a Guatemalan professor. Jessica assured me there would always be plenty of work and things for me to do outside of my role as a teacher, from helping to organize meals, to program planning, to helping out on Sundays at Vida Real, the local church.

Now that God has given me a picture of what life will be like in the next year, It's time to start trusting him all over again as I pray for his provision of support on this journey. Time is so short--I leave on June 1st to head to Guatemala, which gives me little more than one month to raise $7,500, which calculates to about $500 per month + airfare. To me, this number seems SO big, but I know that if God has provided for me this far, He is powerful to continue to provide.

If there's anything that I've learned in the past year, it's that His goodness is not controlled by my faithfulness. In moments of doubt, impatience, and even blatant disobedience on my part, God has continued to show me His love. I know He has so much to teach me about Himself through this incredible journey, I only pray that as He blesses me, that I too would be a blessing to those I meet and come to know in Guatemala.