priorities

After graduation on May 11, I figured I'd have some time to slow down and relax. But with continued support raising, and emails and phone calls and planning, and traveling, I see that these 3 week between graduation and my departure to Guatemala will possibly have been my most busy yet. I realize now how important it is to make spending time in God's word a priority. It's so easy to get caught up in details, to be frustrated when things don't go as smoothly as I'd hoped, to snap at family members simply because I'm irritated, and to become overwhelmed with everything I have left to accomplish before I leave.

For the first time yesterday morning, I had the chance to sit down quietly and read from the book my aunt gave me for graduation, Dear Graduate by Charles Swindoll. Of course, the first chapter was on priorities, and the ones that followed were about ethics and integrity. My eyes were open to see that even as I seek to accomplish great things in the Lord's name, I have allowed other things, such as my desire for comfort and security and my need to have control take priority in my life.  While many of the actions I've been taking are good, and even necessary, I realize that "His kindom and His righteousness" come first in my daily life, and that I must trust God to take care of these other things in due time. 

As if this simple realization weren't enough for me, the Lord has once again been faithful to me despite my lack of faith and has exceeded my expectations for what I thought he meant by "seek first My kingdom and my righteousness and all these things will be added to you." He has taken the one thing that gave me the most anxiety--raising financial support, and shown me exactly what he meant by this verse.  I kept telling Him and others that I trusted Him in this area, knowing that if Escuintla is where He wants me to be, then he will provide for my needs there. But deep down, I've had lingering doubt and fear that I wasted too much time, that I wouldn't raise my support, that this whole journey might be a mistake.  Jesus continues to calm my fears, and even as I realize that I have failed to seek Him first in all things, I see that He went ahead and "added these things" anyway. Despite my failure to obey. This is grace.  Last night, I sat in tears as I opened and read the document that showed the cards people had sent in. I was overwhelmed by the people who committed to pray for me and who had the faith to invest their money in this ministry. In only two weeks time, over half of my support has been raised. This current amount is hardly a reflection of my own faithfulness to God's kingdom in Guatemala; it is rather a testament of His grace that covers my imperfections and His commitment to furthering His own glory through the church and ministry in Escuintla, Guatemala.