A year ago yesterday, I wrote my first blog post. I was so excited to finally have confirmation that I'd be going to Guatemala for a year. And how that year has flown by. Today, exactly one year later, I was standing in church worship when Jessica came up to me and whispered what she felt God was calling her to say to me. "The count-down has begun, and you know it. In this short time you have left, do not be distracted but rather focus on the purpose God has sent you here for. The purpose he shared with you before you even set foot in Guatemala."
These were sobering words, and even now as I went to read my first blog over again, hoping for some clue as to what exactly that "purpose" could be, I was shocked to read the date April 13th and tears started to fill my eyes. I just got back from a walk with Jesus. I don't take them very often, but every once in a while I just walk around the neighborhood talking outloud to him, hoping no one sees me and thinks I'm crazy. The walk today was bittersweet. A time of me thanking him for all the sweet memories of being here that came to my head as I began to look around, and a time of conviction for the way I've wanted to throw in the towel early this past week.
Work here is hard, and at times it seems like the return on investments is so little that, why bother? In moments of frustration I often feel like the kids in my classroom have worn more on me with their bad habits than picked up on my good habits. And it's easy to start thinking this way, when I don't take the time to connect with Jesus.
If there's one thing He wants me to learn here, it is precisely that--I need him. I need to ask his opinion, advice, and direction on every decision of my life big and small. I've even written a blog post about this before. There's a song I learned by Nancy Amancio that says, "Trusting is crying out to Jesus before you throw in the towel." And that is the purpose he shared with me before I came. He wants me to learn to be faithful in speaking with him, listening to him. I don't have to fret about trying to remember what it is that God wants me to do, and worry about wasting my time with distractions--I simply need to ask him about the decisions I have ahead of me in life before I commit to them. Every trip, every invitation, every opportunity and choice, I can simply ask, Is this your best for me? Would you have me spend my time this way? And I KNOW that He answers, because I have experienced it.
So, as I begin my countdown to finishing my time here at Maná, I am evermore determined to not let one day pass without listening for the voice of my savior. His sheep recognize his voice.
Isaiah 30:19-21
"How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. 20 Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teacher will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see him. 21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”"
